


the one where keith meets his maker (literally)

by o0Rubix0o



Series: the one where it's a series [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Chatting & Messaging, F/M, Found Family, Gay Adam (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Gen, Group chat, Kosmo is mentioned and is just as iconic as ever, Light Angst, M/M, Mostly fluff though, Other, Texting, The Blade of Marmora was a college band I don't make the rules, krolia is kind of stalking keith whoops, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29364660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o0Rubix0o/pseuds/o0Rubix0o
Summary: Krolia: Hello.Regris: wtf
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Keith & Krolia (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: the one where it's a series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2029858
Comments: 9
Kudos: 51





	1. the one where keith meets his maker (literally)

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I can knock out 58 pages of this and not 12-20 pages of my math IA. Fate is a cruel, cruel mistress.

**_The Blades_ **

**Krolia** : Hello.

  
**Regris** : wtf

**_The Squad™_ **

**Samurai** : how do you know if you’re being stalked?

**Mr.Dad** : I’m sorry

**Mr.Dad** : what??

**Samurai** : There’s this lady that I keep seeing everywhere I go today, and I don’t know if that’s bad.

**MattyPatty** : Keith that’s very bad

**Princess** : let’s not jump to conclusions

**Mustache** : yes! It could just be a coincidence!!

**Sharpshooter** : uhhh idk how to tell yall this but keithy here is at my house rn and she’s like in a car across the street

**Podge** : the FBI has finally come to get me

**Podge** : also Lance I can’t believe Keith is converting you into a yeeyee boy

**Mrs.Dad** : KATIE DONT JOKE 

**Mrs.Dad** : KEITH WE WILL FLY BACK HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

**Mr.Dad** : Adam we can’t do that

**Mr.Dad** : Keith if she comes too close I want you to stab her

**Mrs.Dad** : HOW IS THAT A BETTER IDEA THAN MINE???

**Mr.Dad** : Because it’s more cost-efficient.

**Mr.Dad** : We paid for two weeks of honeymooning, and we are going to get two weeks of honeymooning.

**Mrs.Dad** : Yeah you’re right

**Mrs.Dad** : go all stabby stabby on her Keith

**Samurai** : wait she might work at the school

**Hunky** : 1) NO STABBY STABBY KEITH THATS ILLEGAL

**Hunky** : 2) hey guys!

**Sharpshooter** : 1) Keith is above the law

**Sharpshooter** : 2) HUNK!!

**Princess** : Why do you think she might work at your school?

**Sharpshooter** : shes talking to Regris and Thace rn and I think I see Principal Kolivan pulling up

**Sharpshooter** : shirt

**Sharpshooter** : *hsit

**Mustache** : *shit

**Sharpshooter** : thx coran i love you

**MattyPatty** : WHY ARE WE BAD AT COMMUNICATING TODAY WHAT HAPPENED

**Samurai** : they saw us through the window

**Sharpshooter** : WAVING THROUGH A WINDOW 

**Hunky** : Lance 

**Hunky** : as much as I love singing through the group chat

**Hunky** : I really don’t think this is the best time

**Princess** : I agree

**Princess** : Do you need one of us to call the cops

**Podge** : I know you two are home alone right now so don’t try and say that there are adults with you

**Princess** : how do you know that?

**Podge** : Lance posted an instagram story that said “Home Alone 3: Lost in my Kitchen!”

**Mrs.Dad** : LANCE

**Mr.Dad** : wehn we get back we need to have a serious talk about over-sharing on social media

**MattyPatty** : wehn

**Mustache** : wehn

**Hunky** : guys stop :(

**Hunky** : also Lance WHY WOULD YOU POST THAT

**Podge** : he tagged his location too

**MattyPatty** : lance oml 

**Hunky** : lance??

**Hunky** : keith??

**Mr.Dad** : why aren’t they responding?

**Princess** : They aren’t answering my calls either.

**MattyPatty** : guys maybe we should call the cops 

**MattyPatty** : its been 10 min without a response

**Sharpshooter** : NO COPS

**Sharpshooter** : they all left together like ten minutes ago

**Mr.Dad** : Why didn’t either of you text us?

**Samurai** : we forgot

**Samurai** : sorry

**Mrs.Dad** : KEITH WTH

**Mrs.Dad** : Takashi I am going to the resort spa, and I’m not coming back until I DON’T want to strangle your brother.

**Mr.Dad** : That’s a good idea. I might do the same thing because I am also feeling the urge to wring his neck.

**Samurai** : I APOLOGIZED

**Sharpshooter** : I don’t think they accept your apology

**Podge** : well since y’all are boring again

**Sharpshooter** : HEY

**Podge** : who wants to hop on the minecraft server and play for a bit?

**Hunky** : Sure!

**Mustache** : Allura and I can play for at least thirty minutes!

**MattyPatty** : im a gamer boi so obviously yes

**Samurai** : Lance and I are in.

**Podge** : okay join now

**_The Blades_ **

**Kolivan** : Krolia what were you thinking?

**Krolia** : I was thinking that I would check out my son’s boyfriend.

**Krolia** : I didn’t know Keith would actually be there.

**Ulaz** : That’s not the point.

**Thace** : Yeah! If you wanted to do that, all you’d have to do is come by the school and pose as a substitute or smth

**Krolia** : What does “smth” mean?

**Thace** : Something

**Krolia** : That’s not helpful.

**Regris** : nonono smth means something

**Krolia** : I just said that wasn’t helpful.

**Thace** : I-

**Krolia** : You?

**Regris** : hahahaha i missed you Krolia

**Krolia** : Thank you.

**Kolivan** : You do realize it will be even harder to contact your son now, right?

**Krolia** : Yes, but since Lotor and his parents are out of the picture, I can at least stop by Alfor’s and speak with Coran.

**Krolia** : He knows me.

**Ulaz** : He hasn’t seen you in years.

**Ulaz** : Are you sure he’ll recognize you?

**Krolia** : Yes. It’s Coran.

**Regris** : That makes sense.

**Thace** : If I weren’t so in love with Ulaz I’d marry Coran

**Regris** : Same except I’m single

**Regris** : wait a damn minute

**Thace** : GET YOUR MAN REGRIS

**Regris** : I could have free food for life!

**Krolia** : Kolivan, do you think you could set up a meeting with me and Keith?

**Kolivan** : I think it would be best if I stayed out of it.

**Kolivan** : I could give you his contact information if you’d like.

**Krolia** : It’s not exactly what I had in mind, but my original plan fell through, so yes, I would like that.

**Ulaz** : What was your original plan?

**Krolia** : To find out the places he goes to the most and then pretend to accidentally run into him.

**Krolia** : Then I would recognize him and tell him I’m his mother.

**Krolia** : It would be a very touching moment.

**Ulaz** : That’s a terrible plan.

**Krolia** : I know.

**Thace** : ULAZ YOU DIDNT HAVE TO SAY THAT

**Regris** : I’m sure it would’ve been great Krolia, but this plan is probably better.

**Krolia** : You’re right.

**Krolia** : Okay I’m going to text him now.

**_Krolia_ ** _to_ **_Samurai_ **

**Krolia** : Hello Keith.

**Samurai** : uhhh who is this

**Krolia** : Krolia.

**Samurai** : I know that.

**Krolia** : I’m your mother.

**Samurai** : I’m sorry, what?

**Samurai** : My mom left when I was a baby

**Samurai** : I’ve tried to look for her and as far as I can tell shes gone

**Krolia** : That’s just because I didn’t want to be found.

**Krolia** : But Lotor and his parents are gone, so I came back.

**Krolia** : I was the one outside of your boyfriend’s house earlier.

**Samurai** : okayyy so youre pretending to be my mom when actually youre just a creepy stalker

**Samurai** : Great.

**Samurai** : I think I’m going to block you now, and if I see you again, I will call the cops.

**Krolia** : The cops won’t do anything.

**Krolia** : I’m above the law.

**Samurai** : …

**Samurai** : Do you have any proof?

**Krolia** : Yes.

**Krolia** : I have a picture of me and your father holding you on the day you were born.

**Krolia** : I know that he passed away when you were very young, but I’m assuming you’ve seen pictures of him.

**Samurai** : Yes, I have.

**Samurai** : Send the picture.

**Krolia** : (a very cute picture of Krolia and Keith in a hospital bed with Keith’s father sitting on the edge of the bed, Keith’s hand around one of his fingers)

**Samurai** : holy shit

**Samurai** : excuse me for a second

**_The Squad™_ **

**Samurai** : THE STALKER WAS MY MOM

**Sharpshooter** : KEITH FOUND HIS MOM

**Mr.Dad** : What??

**Samurai** : (screenshot)

**Samurai** : (screenshot)

**Samurai** : (screenshot)

**Mustache** : Krolia!!! 

**Mustache** : I can’t believe she’s back!

**Mustache** : And I can’t believe she’s Keith’s mom!

**Mrs.Dad** : You know her?

**Mustache** : Oh Adam

**Mustache** : I know everyone

**Mr.Dad** : Keith are you okay?

**MattyPatty** : OMG MOMMA KEITH

**Podge** : You have the same hair.

**MattyPatty** : You both have mullets!

**MattyPatty** : dammit katie you stole my joke

**Princess** : What does your mom have to do with Lotor?

**Samurai** : uhhh i didn’t ask

**Sharpshooter** : but guys look at that picture!!! Baby keef!!!  
  


**Samurai** : lance you’re focusing on the wrong thing here

**Sharpshooter** : hey we already did the “holy quiznak keith found his mom” thing in person

**Sharpshooter** : so I want to freak out about baby keef and his baby mullet on the gc

**Hunky** : omg he does have a baby mullet

**Hunky** : also KEITH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

**Podge** : I was wondering where you were Hunk

**Podge** : I mean of all the days to be late to the gc smh

**Hunky** : tbf i put my phone away when we started playing mc

**Hunky** : and it’s not like we though Klance left for any reason other than making out

**Samurai** : HUNK

**Hunky** : What? 

**Sharpshooter** : the disRESPECT

**Mr.Dad** : Keith, you never answered my question.

**Mr.Dad** : Are you okay?

**Samurai** : Yeah just a bit overwhelmed

**Samurai** : I mean

**Samurai** : I never thought I’d actually meet her

**Samurai** : And now she’s here

**Samurai** : and somehow connected to Lotor and our teachers??

**Mrs.Dad** : yeah did you ask about any of that

**Samurai** : no, but maybe that’s something to talk about in person?

**MattyPatty** : yeah probably

**MattyPatty** : especially if its the reason she left in the first place

**Princess** : You can meet at Alfor’s if you want.

**Princess** : Since Coran apparently knows her, this is probably the best 

**Samurai** : okay 

**Samurai** : I guess I’ll set something up then

**Mr.Dad** : This is so surreal.

**_Samurai_ ** _to_ **_Krolia_ **

**Samurai** : We can meet at Alfor’s.

**Samurai** : What time is good for you?

**Krolia** : How about we meet there in thirty minutes?

**Samurai** : Sounds good.

**_Family I Guess_ **

**Samurai** : help we’re meeting in 30 minutes

**Mrs.Dad** : What’s wrong?

**Samurai** : I’m nervous

**Samurai** : What if she doesn’t like me and she leaves again?

**Mr.Dad** : Keith don’t think that way

**Mr.Dad** : Clearly she didn’t leave because of you, and I don’t think she would just leave again after being the one to reach out

**Samurai** : I don’t even know why I care

**Samurai** : She’s a stranger

**Mrs.Dad** : But she’s still your mom

**Samurai** : No. Mrs. Shirogane is my mom.

**Samurai** : Krolia just gave birth to me.

**Mrs.Dad** : Even so, that doesn’t discount the fact that you care about what she thinks.

**Mr.Dad** : Keith, we all know how much this means to you.

**Mr.Dad** : You spent years searching for even the smallest bit of information about her.

**Mr.Dad** : It makes sense that those feelings are coming back now.

**Mrs.Dad** : Yeah and I don’t think she expects to automatically have a mother/son relationship with you

**Mrs.Dad** : She probably just wants to get to know you as a person

**Samurai** : I guess you’re right

**Samurai** : I just

**Samurai** : I’m kind of angry? I guess?

**Samurai** : like I know she had her reasons for leaving, and it's not like she knew that my dad would die so soon after, but it still hurts

**Mr.Dad** : and you can tell her that when you meet her

**Mr.Dad** : Even if you choose not to pursue an actual relationship with her beyond this meeting, it’s a chance to get all of these pent up feelings off of your chest

**Samurai** : yeah 

**Samurai** : okay im gonna get ready

**Mrs.Dad** : You aren’t dressed?

**Samurai** : when she sent the text about being my mom I spilled my drink and i had to take my shirt off

**Samurai** : so now I have to borrow one of lances

**Mr.Dad** : yeah i dont think Allura would appreciate you breaking the “no shirt, no shoes, no service” policy

**Mrs.Dad** : Lance might

**Samurai** : okay that’s my cue to leave

**Mrs.Dad** : break a leg Keith!

**Mrs.Dad** : we love you!!

**Samurai** : I love you guys too

**_Sharpshooter_ ** _to_ **_Samurai_ **

**Sharpshooter** : okay I know it doesn’t take that long to put a shirt on

**Samurai** : No it doesn’t

**Sharpshooter** : so??

**Samurai** : What?

**Sharpshooter** : are you nervous? 

**Sharpshooter** : because my offer to go with you as moral support still stands!

**Samurai** : no no it’s fine

**Samurai** : I already talked to Shiro and Adam about it

**Sharpshooter** : so what’s up?

**Samurai** : I don’t know

**Samurai** : I’m not saying that to be difficult I just really don’t knwo

**Sharpshooter** : knwo

**Samurai** : wth lance

**Samurai** : I’m trying to pour my heart out to you and you do this?

**Sharpshooter** : wow I really AM rubbing off on you lmao you sound like me

**Samurai** : ew

**Sharpshooter** : HEY

**Sharpshooter** : YOU LOVE ME KEITHY DONT PLAY THIS GAME BECAUSE YOU WILL LOSE

**Samurai** : oh really?

**Sharpshooter** : YES

**Samurai** : okay then

**Sharpshooter** : ?

**Sharpshooter** : keith why did the bathroom door open and shut ominously

**Sharpshooter** : keith i can hear you

**Sharpshooter** : KEITH NOSHOIfdjsi

(Fifteen minutes later) 

**_The Squad™_ **

**Samurai** : okay I’m on my way

**Mr.Dad** : I thought you were supposed to be there by now?

**Samurai** : uhhh I got delayed

**Sharpshooter** : HE ASSAULTED ME

**Podge** : ;)

**Hunky** : In front of my mothers??

**Hunky** : they say hi btw

**MattyPatty** : Hi Hunk’s moms!

**MattyPatty** : but also Keith jesus

**Sharpshooter** : the one time he doesn’t text and drive

**Sharpshooter** : you know what?

**Sharpshooter** : I’m gonna show you exactly what he did the little quiznaker

**Mustache** : Drag him Lance!

**Princess** : Uncle Coran why?

**Mustache** : I have to stay relevant somehow

**Sharpshooter** : (screenshot)

**Sharpshooter** : (screenshot)

**Mrs.Dad** : omg what did he do?

**Sharpshooter** : HE ASSAULTED ME IN MY OWN HOME >:(((((

**Samurai** : oh please

**Sharpshooter** : DONT TEXT AND DRIVE

**Samurai** : fine but only because I love you

**Sharpshooter** : YOURE ONLY SAYING THAT TO WIN THIS ARGUMENT AND I DONT APPRECIATE IT

**Sharpshooter** : but ily2 drive safely and have a good time with Krolia

**Podge** : okay lets get back on track

**Podge** : what do you mean by “assaulted”?

**Sharpshooter** : I heard him say “you’re going to lose Lancey” and then he sprinted into my room and tackled me

**Princess** : oh my

**Sharpshooter** : oh my is right Allura!

**Princess** : why didn’t you use some of the things I’ve taught you?

**Sharpshooter** : uhhh bc he tackled me with love??

**Hunky** : ewww

**Sharpshooter** : NO HUNK THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

**Hunky** : THERES ONLY ONE WAY TO INTERPRET THAT LANCE

**MattyPatty** : i love that Mr. and Mrs. Dad are staying out of this one

**Mrs.Dad** : we don’t want to hear about “love tackles” unless its between the two of us so

**Hunky** : NOOOOO STOP IT

**Mr.Dad** : Let me rephrase that.

**Mr.Dad** : We don’t want to hear about “love tackles” in general if it’s on this groupchat.

**Hunky** : PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP SAYING LOVE TACKLES

**Podge** : Hunk you just said it

**Podge** : You’ve become the very thing you sought to destroy

**Hunky** : NOOOOOOOOOO

**Mustache** : I don’t know what love tackles are

**MattyPatty** : They’re making a sex joke Coran.

**Mustache** : oh

**Mustache** : Coran out

**Princess** : Allura out too

**Sharpshooter** : TACKLING WITH LOVE DOES NOT MEAN WHAT YOU GUYS ARE IMPLYING

**MattyPatty** : we aren’t implying anything man it’s a straight up sex joke

**MattyPatty** : more like a gay up sex joke amiright?

**MattyPatty** : ahaha matthew youre so funny

**MattyPatty** : thanks Matthew!

**Podge** : uhhh

**MattyPatty** : Don’t.

**MattyPatty** : Curtis isn’t in here so I need a hype man.

**Sharpshooter** : wth matt

**MattyPatty** : I need one that doesn’t get love tackled by my pseudo little brother

**Sharsphooter** : THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

**MattyPatty** : what did you mean

**Sharpshooter** : ....uh 

**Hunky** : LANCE

**Sharpshooter** : WE JUST KISSED FOR A BIT GEEZ

**Podge** : why didn’t you just say that in the first place?

**Sharpshooter** : i DID

**Samurai** : bitch please it was more than just kissing ;)

**Sharpshooter** : KIETH NO IT WASNT 

**Samurai** : we also cuddled

**Sharpshooter** : okay see thats true

**Sharpshooter** : keith go talk to Krolia and stop embarrassing me :(((

**Samurai** : tell me I win

**Sharpshooter** : ugh you won 

**Sharpshooter** : but dont think i dont know that this was just a big ploy to procrastinate meeting your egg donor bc im not that stupid

**Samurai** : ...oh would you look at the time

**Podge** : I can’t decide if this Klance is better than oblivious Klance because both are the bane of my existence 

**Hunky** : They’re equally as bad.

**MattyPatty** : but in different ways!

**Podge** : I’ll accept that answer

**_The Blades_ **

**Krolia** : He isn’t here.

**Regris** : Keith’s a good kid he’ll show up

**Thace** : Yeah he’s probably just nervous!

**Kolivan** : When were you supposed to meet?

**Krolia** : Twenty minutes ago.

**Ulaz** : Whatever you do, don’t leave.

**Ulaz** : If he is running late because of nerves, showing up and you not being there will make things a lot worse.

**Thace** : Wait like ten more minutes and then if he’s still not there text him or get Coran to text Lance

**Kolivan** : I forgot Coran was there.

**Kolivan** : At the very least, if Keith doesn’t show up, you still were able to catch up with an old friend.

**Regris** : aww Kolivan you big softie

**Kolivan** : You know that I can fire you right?

**Regris** : you wouldn’t dare

**Kolivan** : Yes I would dare.

**Kolivan** : Don’t test me.

**Ulaz** : I stole one of his favorite mugs from the breakroom, and he docked my pay.

**Thace** : Isn’t that illegal?

**Kolivan** : We’re above the law.

**Krolia** : Yes.

**Regris** : Idk how Keith is just like Krolia without having ever met her

**Thace** : Maybe being above the law is genetic?

**Ulaz** : That makes sense.

**Krolia** : No it doesn’t.

**Thace** : Then how do you explain you and Keith having the same hair

**Krolia** : He’s here.

**Ulaz** : She’s deflecting.

**Krolia** : I’m nervous.

**Kolivan** : Just explain everything and tell him what you told us.

**Thace** : Also put away your phone bc that’s rude

**Krolia** : Okay.

**Krolia** : Thank you.

**Ulaz** : Good luck.

**_The Squad™_ **

**Princess** : Keith just walked in!

**Mustache** : Do you think they’re going to order food?

**Princess** : I don’t know 

**Princess** : why?

**Mustache** : I’d like to make some money for providing the space to have this reunion.

**Podge** : Coran is a capitalist confirmed

**Mustache** : I’m an old white businessman what do you expect

**Hunky** : You’re not old!

**Mustache** : true

**Mustache** : I’m the new generation of capitalists!!

**MattyPatty** : You aren’t a capitalist either Coran :(

**Mustache** : You don’t know my life

**Princess** : Well I do, and you aren’t a capitalist

**Sharpshooter** : As riveting as this conversation is

**Sharpshooter** : What’s happening with momma mullet?

**Mrs.Dad** : pfft momma mullet

**Mr.Dad** : Adam phone away

**Mrs.Dad** : oh I’m sorry

**Mrs.Dad** : I thought I signed up for a husband not a prison warden

**Mr.Dad** : :(

**Mrs.Dad** : finee I’ll put the phone away

**Mrs.Dad** : this water slide better be worth it

**MattyPatty** : “a water slide is always worth it”

**Sharpshooter** : -Gandhi 

**Mrs.Dad** : you guys are right

**Mrs.Dad** : but there better be consistent keith updates in here for me and Takashi to read later!

**Princess** : There will be

**Mustache** : She’s showing him the picture that she sent earlier

**Mustache** : It looks like there is writing on the back!

**Hunky** : aw man I bet it’s really cute 

**Podge** : or just the date

**MattyPatty** : why would she show him the writing if it was just the date??

**Podge** : idk we don’t know how she works

**Princess** : Oh! The table next to them is being served by Shay!

**Sharpshooter** : ASK HER TO SNOOP

**MattyPatty** : I can’t believe this all happened on my day off ;(

**Mustache** : we have dispatched our spy

**Hunky** : The Shay I know wouldn’t spy on people like that!

**Princess** : The Shay you know is dead.

**MattyPatty** : damn Allura

**Sharpshooter** : sorry Hunk but I think we’ve finally corrupted her

**Hunky** : noooo not shay!

**Mustache** : Shay has returned with information.

**Podge** : ??

**Sharpshooter** : what is it?

**Princess** : I’m sorry Coran and I were laughing too hard to text

**Princess** : Shay said they were talking about their knives

**MattyPatty** : HAHAHAHA

**MattyPatty** : THATS WHERE KEITH GETS IT FROM?!

**Sharpshooter** : at this point is there anything Keith got from his dad?

**Podge** : his lactose intolerance

**Hunky** : didn’t his dad give him his favorite knife?

**Princess** : Nope. Apparently that was Krolia’s gift to Keith on his first birthday.

**Mustache** : And Keith’s father kept it in good condition for when he would be old enough to not stab himself with it!

**MattyPatty** : so Keith got his hair, his knife, and his personality from his mom that he never knew??

**Sharpshooter** : don’t forget his stellar good looks!!

**Hunky** : what?

**Sharpshooter** : Momma mullet looks just like keith

**MattyPatty** : so she’s a MILF?

**Podge** : Matt!

**Hunky** : whyyyyyy

**Mustache** : Yes, she is.

**Mustache** : Her friends are DILFs as well

**Sharpshooter** : CORAN YOU WERE THE ONLY INNOCENT ONE LEFT :(

**Hunky** : what about me?

**Sharpshooter** : We lost you a long time ago buddy

**Hunky** : you’re right but I don’t like it

**Podge** : Who are her friends?

**Mustache** : I think they work at your school

**Hunky** : who are they though? 

**Sharpshooter** : yeah what are there names?

**MattyPatty** : *their

**Sharpshooter** : et tu, brute?

**MattyPatty** : My allegiance is to the republic, to DEMOCRACY

**Princess** : stop mixing references on the gc boys

**Princess** : Keith seems more at ease than he was before

**Princess** : I think he actually laughed once

**Mustache** : We’re sending Shay back out.

**Hunky** : Tell her that I love her and that she’s the best spy in the world

**Podge** : you changed your mind quickly

**Hunky** : I’ve decided that her corruption was inevitable and there’s nothing I could’ve done 

**Hunky** : also I support all of her decisions so if she wants to be a sneaky superspy then she can!!

**Sharpshooter** : aw

**MattyPatty** : Hunay is so wholesome uwu

**Podge** : ew I thought that was over with

**MattyPatty** : the wuw will never die

**MattyPatty** : shit

**Sharpshooter** : wait i kinda like it

**Sharpshooter** : wuw

**Podge** : oh god no

**Hunky** : wuw

**Mustache** : wuw

**Mustache** : also Shay is back

**Podge** : Phew

**Princess** : wuw

**Podge** : ALLURA NOT YOU TOO

**Sharpshooter** : so many betrayals today

**Princess** : Shay said that they were finally getting into why she left

**MattyPatty** : oh we probably shouldn’t keep snooping :(

**Hunky** : yeah probably not

**Mustache** : Oh well

**Mustache** : At least Shay is going to get a huge tip for being so good at customer service today!

**Podge** : tell her I said to get that coin

**Princess** : Well

**Princess** : Since that’s over, I think I’m going to do my job and just wait for Keith to text when he and Krolia are done

**Sharpshooter** : same

**Sharpshooter** : except instead doing a job I’m going to be doing homework

**Podge** : What homework?

**Hunky** : it’s christmas break

**Sharpshooter** : yeah but I want to get a head start on learning the choir music for next quarter soo

**MattyPatty** : should’ve known you’d only do hw for choir

**Sharpshooter** : It’s my favorite class!

**Podge** : Valid

(One hour later.) 

**Samurai** : Hey guys

**Sharpshooter** : KEITH

**Podge** : How was it?

**Hunky** : was your mom nice?

**MattyPatty** : Was your mom a MILF like Coran said?

**Samurai** : LANCE

**Samurai** : It was good

**Samurai** : Yeah she was

**Samurai** : Matt why?

**MattyPatty** : I was curious

**Mr.Dad** : I don’t think anyone else is so keep that curiosity to yourself

**Mrs.Dad** : well we’re gay so maybe that has something to do with our lack of intrigue lmao

**Princess** : So Keith tell us what happened

**Mustache** : Yes Keith spill the tea

**Sharpshooter** : I love you coran

**Mustache** : I love me too

**Sharpshooter** : ugh iconic

**Samurai** : It was kind of awkward at first, but we started talking about our knives and that was cool

**Samurai** : I see that you already know about the knife she gave me so I won’t mention that

**Samurai** : She also explained that she was working with a group of her friends to take down Lotor and his parents (mostly his parents at the time)

**Samurai** : basically she was working from the inside to find evidence that they had been doing illegal things behind the scenes and they found out so she had to hide for a while

**Samurai** : She hid with my dad because he was the first responder that found her when she got into a car accident while trying to run away

**Samurai** : Then they had me at some point, but since she had to go to the hospital because of how early I was born, it was only a matter of time before Lotor’s parents figured out where she was

**Samurai** : once she realized that she had been found (this was a little after my first birthday), she ran away again and has been on the road ever since

**Samurai** : she only came back because she saw that Lotor had been arrested on the news

**Samurai** : It took her a while to get back because she wanted to make sure that he was actually going to stay in jail and wasn’t going to pull anything in there

**Podge** : I think I’m in love with your mom

**Podge** : I mean, I’m aromantic but I’d marry her

**Mustache** : I don’t think she would marry a child but I’m sure she would appreciate the compliment!

**Podge** : ...thanks coran

**Sharpshooter** : How does she know our teachers?

**Samurai** : Those are her friends

**Hunky** : WHAT

**Samurai** : yup

**Podge** : so Principal Kolivan, Thace, and Regris are all like secret agents or something??

**Samurai** : and Ulaz

**Mrs.Dad** : ULAZ TOO??

**Samurai** : Also they aren’t secret agents

**Samurai** : They were just a group of friends in a band that tried to take down super rich evil people and kind of failed

**Samurai** : I mean they did some damage I think?? Krolia was being kinda vague so idk

**Mustache** : They helped make sure we didn’t have to sell to Lotor’s family!

**Mustache** : And they beat up some guys that tried to break into Alfor’s a few times

**Princess** : That was them?? I thought you said the cops took care of that

**Mustache** : I lied!

**Princess** : oh

**Sharpshooter** : wait...

**Sharpshooter** : YOUR MOM WAS IN A BAND

**Samurai** : yep

**Samurai** : all five of them were 

**Podge** : What was it called?

**Samurai** : The Blade of Marmora

**Samurai** : and they called themselves The Blades

**Hunky** : Thats so cool!!!

**Mr.Dad** : You got music from her too

**Samurai** : They even learned how to fight so they could incorporate it into their performances

**Sharpshooter** : I can’t believe those are our teachers

**Mrs.Dad** : and also my boss

**Mrs.Dad** : I think I need to stop making puns around Kolivan bc now I know that he actually might punch me

**MattyPatty** : wow momma mullet is a badass

**Samurai** : I think we need to talk about that nickname btw

**Samurai** : and the fact that you guys think Krolia is hot

**Mr.Dad** : Adam and I don’t think she’s hot

**Mrs.Dad** : Yeah

**Samurai** : ...thanks guys

**Sharpshooter** : I don’t think she’s hot either

**Sharpshooter** : I was just saying that you look similar and you’re beautiful and so mathematically that makes her whatever

**Sharpshooter** : Boom math

**Samurai** : hmm okay

**Hunky** : I’m sure she’s very pretty Keith!

**Samurai** : That’s not what I was concerned about but thank you Hunk

**Mr.Dad** : So how do you feel?

**Samurai** : Well I won’t be calling her mom anytime soon

**Mrs.Dad** : And you don’t ever have to if you don’t want to!

**Samurai** : But she’s coming over in a few days to meet Kosmo

**Samurai** : I showed her some pictures and she wants to meet her grandson

**Sharpshooter** : Does she want to meet the mother of her grandson?

**Samurai** : Yes but I think I want to just meet with her by myself for a bit

**Samurai** : You can all meet her eventually, but I’d like it to just be us for a while

**Sharpshooter** : That’s cool! 

**Sharpshooter** : It’s probably best that you spend some time getting to know her first

**Samurai** : yeah I figured I could do that and introduce her to Shiro and Adam when they get back 

**Samurai** : then I can introduce her to all of you 

**Podge** : Maybe you can go on a bonding trip around town

**Hunky** : Yeah you can show her places you like to go and stuff that’s changed since she was last here!

**Mustache** : Or ride on a giant space whale and be forced to see the past that you wouldn’t have shared otherwise!

**MattyPatty** : what?

**Princess** : This isn’t Monsters and Mana Coran, it’s the real world

**Mustache** : My mistake! Sometimes I forget myself

**Mr.Dad** : I’m glad it went well Keith.

**Mrs.Dad** : Sorry we weren’t on as much!

**Samurai** : It’s fine

**Samurai** : I’m glad you’re enjoying your honeymoon :)

**Hunky** : is that a SMILE?

**MattyPatty** : from KEITH KOGANE??

**Samurai** : Ha. Ha.

**Hunky** : Sorry I just couldn’t resist

**Hunky** : You never use emojis

**Hunky** : Especially the happier ones!

**Samurai** : I think Krolia is texting me rn so I’m gonna go

**Princess** : Bye Keith!

**Sharpshooter** : I’ll call you before I go to bed <3

**_Krolia_ ** _to_ **_Samurai_ **

**Krolia** : It was really nice to meet you Keith.

**Samurai** : It was nice to meet you too

**Samurai** : I can’t believe we have so much in common

**Krolia** : That is pretty funny.

**Samurai** : We’re doing another showing of The White Snake next month to raise money for competition

**Samurai** : Do you think you’d want to go?

**Krolia** : Of course I want to go.

**Samurai** : Thace and Ulaz have been going to every show so far, so you can tag along with them and get the teacher ticket discount

**Krolia** : That would be best considering I don’t have a job yet.

**Samurai** : Maybe Kolivan can get you one at the school?

**Krolia** : He said he would once he found me a suitable position.

**Krolia** : Knowing how petty he is, he’ll probably make me a janitor for skipping town without telling him.

**Samurai** : Being a janitor isn’t that bad

**Samurai** : I love the janitors at the school!

**Krolia** : Yes, but he knows that I’m bad at cleaning and that this job would be the worst thing possible for me.

**Samurai** : You can’t be that bad.

**Krolia** : I get angry at stains that won’t go away.

**Samurai** : That’s normal though isn’t it?

**Krolia** : Not when you break the mop you’re using in anger.

**Samurai** : oh wow we really ARE alike

**Samurai** : If you break enough mops he’ll have to change your job because I don’t think the school has enough money to afford a bunch of replacement mops

**Krolia** : You’re right.

**Krolia** : The only way to fight pettiness is pettiness.

**Samurai** : yes

**Samurai** : Thank you for coming here

**Samurai** : I’m still angry and upset, but I think I can move on from that with time

**Krolia** : I didn’t expect you to welcome me with open arms.

**Krolia** : I understand that this is difficult for you, and if you need more time to process this then I’ll give that to you.

**Samurai** : I think seeing if you pass the Kosmo test will help 

**Krolia** : The Kosmo test?

**Samurai** : If Kosmo likes you, then I like you.

**Samurai** : He’s a great judge of character.

**Samurai** : Once, this girl Nyma came by to do some last minute adjustments to her costume, and he wouldn’t let her pet him. 

**Samurai** : And Shiro says this was an accident but I don’t think he would’ve tripped her unknowingly

**Krolia** : Dogs are smart, so probably not.

**Krolia** : Is Nyma a bad person?

**Samurai** : oh yeah

**Samurai** : It’s not my story to tell, but let’s just say she deserved that and more

**Krolia** : I’ll trust your judgement.

**Samurai** : and I’ll trust Kosmo’s i guess 

**Krolia** : I think I’m going to meet up with the others so we can figure out my living arrangements

**Krolia** : You can talk to me whenever you want.

**Samurai** : Same goes for you

**Krolia** : See you in a few days Keith.

**Samurai** : Bye Krolia

**Samurai** : Talk to you soon :)


	2. the one where momma mullet meets the squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Podge: WE’RE MEETING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE TODAY

**_The Blades_ **

**Krolia** : I’m meeting Keith’s friends today.

**Thace** : Yay!

**Krolia** : Not yay.

**Regris** : Not yay?

**Krolia** : No.

**Krolia** : I’m nervous again.

**Kolivan** : I thought meeting Takashi and Adam went well.

**Krolia** : It did.

**Krolia** : And so did meeting Kosmo.

**Ulaz** : Who’s Kosmo?

**Krolia** : Keith’s “dog”.

**Regris** : uhh “dog”??

**Krolia** : Kosmo is a wolf.

**Thace** : Is that even legal?

**Thace** : DONT SAY THAT YOURE ABOVE THE LAW

**Krolia** : I wasn’t going to.

**Krolia** : I was going to say that Keith is above the law.

**Thace** : I walked right into that one :(

**Ulaz** : Yes you did.

**Regris** : Ulaz isn’t even nice to his husband tsk tsk

**Thace** : He’s just brutally honest

**Ulaz** : Why would I lie?

**Kolivan** : Sometimes I wish you would.

**Regris** : Is this because he said your pants made you look fat yesterday?

**Regris** : Bc they did and you were the one asking about it

**Ulaz** : I don’t comment unless prompted.

**Thace** : He’s like a little robot!

**Ulaz** : I’m not little.

**Thace** : You’re littler than me

**Regris** : Tbf its kinda hard not to be

**Krolia** : Yes, yes, Thace is huge, but let’s get back to the issue at hand.

**Krolia** : Also Ulaz was doing you a favor by insulting your pants, Kolivan.

**Kolivan** : I hate all of you.

**Regris** : WE LOVE YOU TOO <33333

**Thace** : ^^^

**Krolia** : I’m not nervous about them liking me so much as me not liking them.

**Ulaz** : Explain.

**Krolia** : Keith really wants this to go well, and so do I. 

**Krolia** : It would kill him if I didn’t like his friends.

**Thace** : oh god what if you dont like LANCE

**Krolia** : Don’t put that thought in my head Thace.

**Regris** : That would be very bad

**Kolivan** : Hasn’t Keith told you about them?

**Kolivan** : Haven’t we all told you about them?

**Krolia** : Yes, but still.

**Thace** : aww Krolia 

**Krolia** : What?

**Thace** : You’re so soft for Keith!

**Ulaz** : It is adorable.

**Kolivan** : If Ulaz says it, I guess it’s true then.

**Regris** : I can sense the saltiness from over here Kolivan

**Krolia** : I just really need to like his friends.

**Krolia** : And Lance.

**Ulaz** : You aren’t scared that they won’t like you?

**Krolia** : No, I’m amazing.

**Thace** : We love self-confidence :)

**Kolivan** : Krolia, I’m sure it will be fine. 

**Kolivan** : They’re probably nervous to meet you too.

**_The Squad™_ **

**Podge** : WE’RE MEETING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE TODAY

**Hunky** : IM SO EXCITED

**Sharpshooter** : MOMMA MULLET CHAIN

**Podge** : MOMMA MULLET

**Hunky** : MOMMA MULLET

**MattyPatty** : MOMMA MULLET

**Mrs.Dad** : MOMMA MULLET

**Samurai** : Adam you already met her???

**Mrs.Dad** : Yeah so what?

**Mr.Dad** : She spent most of the time with Kosmo, so we really didn’t meet her.

**Samurai** : It’s not her fault that Kosmo is better than you.

**Mrs.Dad** : ouch :(

**Sharpshooter** : I’d defend you but Kosmo is my child :(((

**MattyPatty** : My nephew or my best friend 

**MattyPatty** : Who should I choose

**Mrs.Dad** : ...nephew :((

**MattyPatty** : sorry Adam

**Mr.Dad** : I hope this time we can actually talk to her.

**Samurai** : You did talk though

**Mr.Dad** : Not about her

**Mrs.Dad** : Well, it was kinda your fault for starting off by mentioning the time Keith almost stabbed you to death

**Mr.Dad** : I DIDNT KNOW SHE WOULD START RANTING ABOUT KNIVES

**Samurai** : She gave birth to me Shiro you should have known

**Podge** : I can’t believe I’m a simp for Krolia 

**Princess** : I can’t believe I still haven’t spoken to her.

**Hunky** : Matt hasn’t either 

**MattyPatty** : a fact I’m STILL not okay with btw

**MattyPatty** : what’s the point of working at Alfor’s if I don’t get to talk to Keith’s mom

**Princess** : Normally I don’t agree with you when you complain about your job, but I’m making an exception this time.

**Princess** : even SHAY has met her 

**Mustache** : She just doesn’t want to talk to people while she eats! It’s very understandable!

**Mustache** : Shay only met her because Krolia sits in her area

**MattyPatty** : yeah but Shay won’t switch with me :(((

**Mustache** : I don’t control her 

**Hunky** : yeah! Shay is a strong, independent woman!

**Mustache** : You should’ve just bribed her Matt!

**Hunky** : Coran!!

**Mustache** : Yes?

**Princess** : that still doesn’t explain why I haven’t met her yet

**Mustache** : That’s simple.

**Mustache** : I forgot to introduce you two!

**Princess** : ... 

**Podge** : honest mistake tbf

**Sharpshooter** : yeah Coran has lots of stuff going on

**Samurai** : Allura you couldv’e just went over to “check on how she’s liking the place”

**Mrs.Dad** : *could’ve

**Samurai** : what are you an English teacher?

**Mr.Dad** : He COULD’VE been

**Samurai** : you’re both dead to me

**Mrs.Dad** : D:

**Mr.Dad** : fine by me

**Mr.Dad** : my chances of getting stabbed to death will decrease significantly

**Samurai** : Just because you’re dead to me doesn’t mean I won’t stab you

**Samurai** : accidnettally 

**Mr.Dad** : *accidentally

**Samurai** : Okay where are you

**Samurai** : I need help

**Mr.Dad** : I’m right down the block. What’s wrong?

**Samurai** : I need help finding you so I can stab you

**Mr.Dad** : oh no

**Mrs.Dad** : TAKASHI RUN HES ABOVE THE LAW

**Samurai** : After I stab your husband, I’m coming for you 

**Hunky** : Is this normal????

**MattyPatty** : Yes

**Podge** : yeah

**Sharpshooter** : you should see them do this in person 

**Sharpshooter** : it’s worse

**Hunky** : How can it get worse?????

**Sharpshooter** : if THIS is too much for you then you don’t wanna know

**Mr.Dad** : (selfie of himself and Keith--Shiro is smiling, and Keith has his knifepoint touching his prosthetic arm)

**Mr.Dad** : guess you’re next sweetheart

**Mrs.Dad** : oh the humanity

**Princess** : I want this.

**MattyPatty** : Hey! Being lonely and single is MY thing

**Princess** : you aren’t single anymore so somebody has to take up the mantle

**MattyPatty** : Just sayin, if you accepted my marriage proposal a year ago you wouldn’t have this problem

**Samurai** : WHAT

**Mr.Dad** : You never told me you guys dated

**Princess** : We didn’t.

**Princess** : He just had a huge, adorable crush on me.

**Podge** : ha SIMP

**MattyPatty** : quIET

**Hunky** : We were all there Matt

**Hunky** : You were definitely simping for Allura buddy

**Sharpshooter** : tbf I think we all were

**Mustache** : No I think it was just you and Matt if I’m remembering correctly!

**Sharpshooter** : thx for that Coran

**Mrs.Dad** : wait wait wait

**Mrs.Dad** : can someone please tell me how this proposal happened??

**MattyPatty** : I shall tell the tale

**MattyPatty** : I got drunk on accident

**MattyPatty** : and proposed to Allura at the Alfor’s New Years Eve Party

**Podge** : Y’all should’ve seen it

**Princess** : It was kind of sweet?

**MattyPatty** : gee thanks Allura

**Princess** : You slurred together most of your “speech” and then face planted while trying to get down on one knee

**Princess** : we didn’t even realize it was a proposal until after you sobered up and showed us the napkin you wrote the “speech” on

**MattyPatty** : ...in my defence it was a lot more romantic in my head

**MattyPatty** : also

**MattyPatty** : DONT PUT QUOTES AROUND SPPEECH IT WAS BEAUTRIFUL I SHOULD BE A FAMOUS POIET

**Podge** : Idk which word to make fun of

**Samurai** : all of them

**Mr.Dad** : Don’t make fun of Matt for proposing to Allura

**MattyPatty** : THANK YOU SHIRO :D

**Mr.Dad** : His proposal to me was much funnier

**MattyPatty** : NOOOOOO I TRUSTED YOU

**Mrs.Dad** : wHAT

**Sharpshooter** : TELL US TELL US TELL US

**Hunky** : guys?

**Sharpshooter** : yes hunky the loml?

**Mrs.Dad** : wth lance

**Sharpshooter** : *2nd loml

**MattyPatty** : BETRAYED AGAIN

**Sharpshooter** : **3rd loml

**Hunky** : ...

**Hunky** : hate to break this up but we’re meeting Krolia soon and I think that literally nobody is on their way

**Sharpshooter** : oh no I’m already here

**Mustache** : He’s been here for an hour now!

**Samurai** : jesus lance why?

**Sharpshooter** : ...so she’s impressed with my punctuality??

**Podge** : how adorable

**Hunky** : you know I can’t tell if that’s supposed to be sarcastic or not

**Podge** : yes

**Sharpshooter** : she means it but like in a condescending “lance you dummy (thicc)” kinda way

**Podge** : ew

**Samurai** : that makes sense

**Samurai** : Lance she’s going to love you

**Samurai** : and she’s going to love all of you

**Samurai** : if she doesn’t then I’ll take away her Kosmo visitation rights

**Sharpshooter** : YOU DISCUSSED VISITATION RIGHTS WITHOUT ME????

**Mr.Dad** : Adam they’re just like us

**Mrs.Dad** : oh no

**Samurai** : lance its not that big of a deal i mean shes my mother 

**Sharpshooter** : NOT A BIG DEAL???

**Samurai** : not THAT big of a deal

**Sharpshooter** : IM GETTING A DIVORCE AND TAKING THE KIDS

**Samurai** : kids????

**Samurai** : plural????

**Sharpshooter** : i was waiting for the right moment to tell you but

**Sharpshooter** : IM PREGNANT

**Samurai** : HOW

**Sharpshooter** : WITH TWINS

**Sharpshooter** : (picture of two kittens)

**Samurai** : my children!!

**Samurai** : LANCE YOU CANT DO THIS

**Sharpshooter** : YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I CAN

**Samurai** : aww you think I have a sweet ass

**Samurai** : the feeling is mutual btw ;)

**Sharpshooter** : I-

**Sharpshooter** : Okay all is forgiven :)

**Sharpshooter** : when do you want to meet and name the kiddos

**Samurai** : After lunch with Krolia?

**Sharpshooter** : Sure thing!

**Samurai** : <3 

**Sharpshooter** : <3

**Podge** : wtf did I just watch

**Mrs.Dad** : marriage?

**Mr.Dad** : Adam they’re more married than we are

**Princess** : I think it was a sign for me to ignore the group chat for the rest of the day.

**MattyPatty** : Do you solve all your arguments like that?

**Sharpshooter** : yes (and with communication wuw)

**Samurai** : you should try the flirting method with Curtis next time you fight about video games

**MattyPatty** : likeeeee using bad pickup lines? ;)

**Sharpshooter** : the worst ;) 

**Hunky** : LANCE YOU GOT CATS  
  


 **Sharpshooter** : ik!!!!

**Sharpshooter** : OH QUISZKAK  
  


 **Mustache** : lol

**Hunky** : Lance???

**Samurai** : oh no

**Podge** : what happened?

**Mustache** : Krolia just walked in

**Samurai** : and lance is still the only one there

**Mr.Dad** : how do you know that?

**Samurai** : lucky guess

**Mrs.Dad** : sorry lance :(

**Mrs.Dad** : we took public transportation today to see what its like

**Samurai** : Spoiler Alert: It sucks

**Mr.Dad** : language

**Samurai** : I hate this family

**Mrs.Dad** : Keith now is not the time.

**Mrs.Dad** : Your boyfriend is in peril.

**Hunky** : oh god hes gonna ramble

**Podge** : RESIST LANCE RESIST

**Samurai** : i think its cute when he rambles

**Podge** : You don’t understand Keith

**Podge** : this is your MOM

**Samurai** : yeah so?

**Hunky** : Keith he’s going to ramble about YOU

**Samurai** : OH NO

**MattyPatty** : I WISH I WAS AT WORKKKKK

**Mustache** : no you dont

**MattyPatty** : yeah u right i dont

**Mrs.Dad** : Coran give us updates!

**Mustache** : no im eating ice cream

**Mrs.Dad** : fair enough

**Mr.Dad** : Keith I’m sorry it had to end this way

**Samurai** : I love him :((((

**Samurai** : and now hes gonna dieeee

**Samurai** : Krolia’s gonna stab him

**Podge** : you sound more like lance every day ya simp

**Hunky** : at least we’ll have something to remember him by!

**Samurai** : HES GOING TO MAKE ME A WIDOW

**Samurai** : WE JUST GOT TWO MORE KIDS

**MattyPatty** : i cant tell if keith is serious or not about Krolia stabbing lance

**Mr.Dad** : (picture of Keith looking absolutely DEVASTATED)

**Mrs.Dad** : I think he IS serious

**Podge** : Krolia won’t kill Lance

**Samurai** : SHES ABOVE THE LAW KATIE

**Hunky** : Okay but now that im thinking about it

**Hunky** : Maybe she’ll like that Lance is ranting about Keith

**Samurai** : thats the problem isnt it?

**Hunky** : ?

**Samurai** : I DONT KNOW HER WELL ENOUGH TO GUESS WHAT SHES GOING TO DO

**MattyPatty** : Lance’s possible murder aside

**MattyPatty** : this is the most animated Keith has been through texting like,,,, ever

**Samurai** : im taking a nap

**Mrs.Dad** : thats just going to make you hyper

**Mr.Dad** : hes already asleep

**Mrs.Dad** : Didn’t even turn off his phone the little 

**Mr.Dad** : Adams phone has been taken away to avoid insulting my little brother.

**Podge** : hahaha

**Mustache** : This ice cream is good!

**Hunky** : what flavor is it?

**Mustache** : I have no idea!

**Mustache** : It’s unlabeled

**MattyPatty** : CORAN THATS MINE

**MattyPatty** : I MADE THAT LAST WEEK WTH

**Mustache** : You should have labeled it matthew

**MattyPatty** : IT WAS IN MY PERSONAL MINIFRIDGE

**Mustache** : Your personal minifridge is in MY restaurant.

**MattyPatty** : the AUDACITY

**MattyPatty** : also traffic sucks rn im so sorry lance

**Mrs.Dad** : MATT I CAN SEE YOU

**MattyPatty** : ADAM

**Podge** : didn’t your phone JUST get taken?

**Mrs.Dad** : I saw matt and overcame all the odds <3

**MattyPatty** : <3

**Princess** : wake Keith up

**Princess** : He’ll want to see this

**Mr.Dad** : on it

**Hunky** : I thought you left the chat for today?

**Princess** : This is important

**Podge** : ooooo mystery~

**Samurai** : okay first of all

**Samurai** : what the hell shiro your feet stink

**Samurai** : second of all

**Samurai** : what’s up Allura?

**Princess** : (picture of Lance and Krolia laughing in a private room at Alfor’s while painting each other’s nails)

**Samurai** : oh thank god she didn’t kill him

**Hunky** : Keith your mom is adorable

**MattyPatty** : awwwww

**Princess** : oh no they caught me!!

**_Sharpshooter_ ** _added_ **_Krolia_ ** _to_ **_The Squad™_ **

**Sharpshooter** : allura u so sneaky

**Krolia** : hello

**Sharpshooter** : MEET MY NEW BEST FRIEND  
  


 **Samurai** : Hey Krolia

**Krolia** : Don’t break up with Lance.

**Samurai** : I wont

**Krolia** : He can break up with you though, that’s fine.

**Samurai** : I-

**MattyPatty** : omg she likes lance more

**_Sharpshooter_ ** _changed_ **_Krolia_ ** _to_ **_Momma Mullet_ **

**Momma Mullet** : lol

**Samurai** : LANCE YOU BROKE KROLIA

**Sharpshooter** : I taught her text lingo

**Samurai** : YOU BROKE HER

**Sharpshooter** : I also taught her how to paint her nails

**Sharpshooter** : apparently she’s only ever worn stick on nails

**Momma Mullet** : They’re no-nonsense and take no time at all to put on.

**Sharpshooter** : but we had so much fun :((((

**Sharpshooter** : so many bonding moments :(((

**Momma Mullet** : Yes we did :)

**Sharpshooter** : :D  
  


 **Mrs.Dad** : I want to see this in person more than anything I’ve ever wanted ever

**Mr.Dad** : Even our marriage?

**Mrs.Dad** : yes

**MattyPatty** : WERE ALMOST THERE

**Podge** : apparently traffic only lets up once matt and adam start being gay

**Mrs.Dad** : I can’t decide if that means the universe is a gay icon or if the drivers are just homophobic

**Podge** : who cares

**Momma Mullet** : The universe is a gay icon.

**Momma Mullet** : I care, Katie.

**Podge** : IM SO SORRY 

**Hunky** : I don’t think your marriage with Keith’s mom is going to work out Pidge :(

**Podge** : NOOOOOO

**Momma Mullet** : I was never married to you.

**Momma Mullet** : I don’t even know you.

**Podge** : ouch :(

**Sharpshooter** : scroll up K

**Momma Mullet** : Okay.

**Samurai** : Today feels like a fever dream.

**Hunky** : Idk Keith this is the cutest thing ive ever seen

**Hunky** : im here btw

**Hunky** : the gay icon universe also helped with my traffic!

**Hunky** : (picture of Lance showing Krolia TikTok)

**MattyPatty** : PLEASE make her make a tiktok account

**Sharpshooter** : shes on it

**MattyPatty** : YES

**Podge** : I’m getting TikTok just for her

**Sharpshooter** : Also, Keith

**Sharpshooter** : she wanted me to tell you that she would never stab me

**Sharpshooter** : oh and she wanted to tell Pidge that she’s flattered because you seem like a nice person but youre way too young for her

**Podge** : Sad, but true

**Podge** : also I don’t even feel that way about anyone lmao

**MattyPatty** : I can see that you’re deflecting your pain with the lmao Katie :(

**MattyPatty** : Does your heart need grief counceling? 

**Podge** : Maybe if you spelled counselling right I would answer that question

**Hunky** : guys!!!

**Hunky** : go follow Momma Mullet on TikTok

**Mrs.Dad** : Is that actually her username??

**Hunky** : YES!!

**Mr.Dad** : I think I might get TikTok now too Pidge

**Mrs.Dad** : bitch please you already have TikTok

**Mr.Dad** : what? No I don’t

**Samurai** : You’re making your liar face Takashi

**Mr.Dad** : No I’m not

**Mr.Dad** : And I don’t have a liar face

**Mrs.Dad** : Sureeeee Mr. 1M followers

**Mr.Dad** : dang it

**Podge** : wHAT

**Momma Mullet** : Lance showed me your TikTok Shiro.

**Momma Mullet** : It was very informative.

**Mr.Dad** : NO LANCE WHY

**Sharpshooter** : For the drama

**Hunky** : He showed me too

**Hunky** : bc I’m here

**Hunky** : unlike you

**MattyPatty** : daaaang Hunk is salty today

**Podge** : I have TikTok

**Podge** : what’s shiro’s username

**Mr.Dad** : DONT TELL HER

**Podge** : oh wait i can just see who Krolia is following

**Podge** : oh my god

**Mr.Dad** : Katie please

**Podge** : SHIRO HAS A BAKUDEKU FAN ACCOUNT

**Podge** : WITH LIKE A MILLION FOLLOWERS  
  


 **MattyPatty** : Takashi wowwww

**Mr.Dad** : :(

**Mrs.Dad** : OH LOOK we’re here now

**Mr.Dad** : Don’t try to be nice to me when you were the reason this happened in the first place.

**Mrs.Dad** : Okay would you rather stay here and be made fun of or?

**Mr.Dad** : ...Oh look at that we’re finally here

**Samurai** : I can see them from here

**Samurai** : I cant believe im her least favorite son now.

**Momma Mullet** : Lance and I have bonded.

**Momma Mullet** : As friends as well as possible family.

**Sharpshooter** : She gave me your hand in marriage Keithy ;))))

**Podge** : The one time we’re all late for something smh

**Princess** : Everyone’s phones are going in the Basket btw

**MattyPatty** : NOT THE BASKET D:

**Princess** : Yes Matt

**Princess** : The Basket

**Mustache** : Boo

**Princess** : If you give me some of Matt’s ice cream you can keep your phone

**Mustache** : Deal.

**MattyPatty** : Alluraaa what the heck?!

**Princess** : It’s our place

**Princess** : Deal with it :)

**MattyPatty** : THIS is why we kicked y’all out of the employee group chat

**Podge** : ooooo he used y’all

**Mrs.Dad** : he ANGRY angry

**Princess** : Phones. Basket. Now.

**Princess** : i can’t believe I’m saying this but follow lance’s example 

**Podge** : okay fine

(Two hours later.) 

**Momma Mullet** : I enjoyed meeting all of you today.

**MattyPatty** : I think I can speak for everyone when I say

**MattyPatty** : WE LOVE YOU WUW

**Princess** : It was nice to meet one of Uncle’s friends!

**Mrs.Dad** : Shiro and I were glad to finally talk to you :) <3

**Momma Mullet** : But I enjoyed meeting Lance the most.

**Sharpshooter** : aw shucks K you’re making me blush

**Samurai** : My mother stole my boyfriend.

**Mr.Dad** : I feel your pain

**Mrs.Dad** : who stole me?

**Mr.Dad** : Lance and Matt

**Mr.Dad** : and my dad

**Mrs.Dad** : okay trueee

**MattyPatty** : dad has a dad?

**Podge** : dadception

**Mr.Dad** : guys you’ve met my parents

**Hunky** : Well the rest of us still need to meet our grandparents Shiro

**Mr.Dad** : no

**Hunky** : :((((((

**Mr.Dad** : They were at the wedding Hunk

**Hunky** : WHERE

**Sharpshooter** : You didn’t meet them?

**Hunky** : no :(

**Samurai** : They’re coming to visit during spring break so you can meet them there

**Hunky** : Yay!

**Momma Mullet** : Do I also get to meet them?

**Samurai** : Yeah but I forgot to tell them that you exist now

**Mr.Dad** : KEITH

**Samurai** : Sorry

**Momma Mullet** : I’ve always existed.

**Samurai** : not to me

**Sharpshooter** : KEITH

**Mr.Dad** : KEITH

**Samurai** : WIAT THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

**Momma Mullet** : That’s okay.

**Momma Mullet** : Where the law was concerned I really didn’t exist, so you aren’t wrong.

**Samurai** : phew

**Podge** : hahahhahahah

**Momma Mullet** : Lance, will you remove me now?

**Sharpshooter** : no problemo

**_Sharpshooter_ ** _removed_ **_Momma Mullet_ ** _from_ **_The Squad™_ **

**Podge** : NOOOOOOO

**Podge** : KROLIAAAA

**MattyPatty** : you’ll always have “she’s flattered”

**Podge** : being a simp is exhausting idk how klance does it every day

**Sharpshooter** : not exhausting if its loveeeeee

**Samurai** : ew thats sappy

**Sharpshooter** : Shut the hell up Keith I have screenshots

**Samurai** : ugh i love you too ig

**Mr.Dad** : Don’t mind him

**Mr.Dad** : He’s still upset that Krolia stole you

**Sharpshooter** : At least she likes me!!

**Samurai** : I’m not upset

**Samurai** : I’m just tired from stressing myself out all day

**Sharpshooter** : you wanna facetime?

**Sharpshooter** : I added a new product to my face regimen that I can show you!!!

**Samurai** : Okay :)

**Podge** : bruh keith hates beauty stuff wth

**MattyPatty** : Honestly I think he just likes hearing lance talk lmao

**Podge** : Ik he does its just funny

**Podge** : He doesn’t even wash his face

**Hunky** : You better hope Lance never sees these texts...

**Mustache** : Keith will get love tackled but with more vengeance in his eyes

**Podge** : not again

(One Hour Later.) 

**_Samurai_ ** _to_ **_Momma Mullet_ **

**Samurai** : You keeping the name?

**Momma Mullet** : Yes, and so are you.

**Samurai** : what?

**_Momma Mullet_ ** _changed_ **_Samurai_ ** _to_ **_Baby Mullet_ **

**Baby Mullet** : ...ill leave it for now 

**Momma Mullet** : You have to show your friends.

**Momma Mullet** : Tell them Lance taught me how to do it.

**Baby Mullet** : fine but Lance and I are going to be having words

**Momma Mullet** : I wouldn’t expect anything less.

**_The Squad™_ **

**Baby Mullet** : Lance I hate you why did you show Krolia how to do this

**Sharpshooter** : awww baby mullet why you so angwy

**Baby Mullet** : die

**Podge** : HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA

**Baby Mullet** : I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU

**Hunky** : It was scary before but now its just cute!

**Baby Mullet** : N O

**Mr.Dad** : This is adorable Keith

**Mrs.Dad** : AWWWW KEITH ADMIT IT YOURE CUTE

**Baby Mullet** : I just came in here to show you the name before I changed it

**Princess** : Keith don’t do it

**MattyPatty** : This is the best name you’ve had yet :((

**Mustache** : Please keep the name!

**MattyPatty** : See even Coran and Allura agree!

**_Baby Mullet_ ** _changed_ **_Baby Mullet_ ** _to_ **_Samurai_ **

**Sharpshooter** : NOOOOOO BABY MULLET

**Samurai** : HEY

**Samurai** : be glad im keeping our matching names Lance

**Sharpshooter** : :( okay

**Podge** : wow I can’t believe keith murdered baby mullet

**MattyPatty** : rip

**Hunky** : We should have a funeral!

**Mrs.Dad** : how does Sunday in our backyard sound?

**Mrs.Dad** : We can invite Krolia!

**Samurai** : Where was this respect when Kogayne died

**MattyPatty** : Kogayne can’t die bc it’s your last name

**Samurai** : No my last name is Kogane

**MattyPatty** : wait so you added the y in??

**Podge** : Matt what the hell youre supposed ot be smarter than this

**MattyPatty** : well YOURE supposed to be smart enough to spell to correctly

**Princess** : Both of you should be smart enough to put apostrophes in the word you’re

**Podge** : the holt siblings are taking the rest of the day off the group chat 

**MattyPatty** : we need to do some internal reflection 

**Mrs.Dad** : I can’t believe Allura was the genius of the group all along.

**Princess** : I have a PhD

**Mrs.Dad** : Wait really??

**Princess** : Yes. In business.

**Mrs.Dad** : Okay that makes sense actually

**Hunky** : Allura you’re so cool 

**Princess** : I know

**Mustache** : I think that’s why she doesn’t text here as much!

**Mustache** : You guys aren’t as cool as us 

**Sharpshooter** : Coran you wound me

**Mustache** : I’m sorry you feel that way

**Sharpshooter** : Ouchie :(

**Samurai** : I think you’re cool Lance :)

**Sharpshooter** : Yeah but Coran doesn’t :((((

**Samurai** : well screw coran then

**Mustache** : No thank you!

**Samurai** : Yeah okay sorry lance i cant help

**Sharpshooter** : I miss Krolia

**Sharpshooter** : She could take Coran

**Mustache** : mmmm I don’t think so

**Mustache** : If you think she’s mysterious you obviously haven’t met me :)

**Hunky** : why was that smiley face so menacing???

**Mustache** : Because it was meant to be ::)

**Hunky** : STOP ADDING EYES

**Mustache** : Goodbye everyone! See you tomorrow :::)

**Mrs.Dad** : Coran is my sleep paralysis demon

**Mr.Dad** : Is that why you’re scared of mustaches?

**Mrs.Dad** : Im not-

**Mrs.Dad** : THAT WAS YEARS AGO TAKASHI AND I WASNT SCARED OF THE MUSTACHE I WAS SCARED OF YOUR DAD

**Mr.Dad** : Yeah sure because my dad is much scarier than my mom who you were all chummy with in less than a minute

**Mrs.Dad** : HE IS AND YOU KNOW IT

**Mrs.Dad** : SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY SCARES ME

**Mrs.Dad** : HE WAS TOO NICE  
  


 **Sharpshooter** : ...I feel like I’m watching something I’m not meant to be 

**Samurai** : yeahhh I live with them and it feels that way all the time

**Samurai** : especially when they “play monopoly”

**Samurai** : I thought they were gonna respond but they took their argument to the bedroom so

**Hunky** : NOT MONOPOLY D:

**Samurai** : No just bickering while they cuddle or some shit

**Sharpshooter** : aw thats kinda cute

**Samurai** : If it turns into monopoly im kicking them out into the streets

**Samurai** : Kosmo will help me so they dont stand a chance

**Hunky** : Since its just us and its only a matter of time before you two start being all “Klance” again

**Sharpshooter** : HUNKETH

**Hunky** : I’m going to just leave and bake some cookies!

**Hunky** : I’ll bring some over tomorrow Lance don’t worry

**Hunky** : And Keith you can have some too :)

**Sharpshooter** : oooo thank you Hunk

**Sharpshooter** : you are forgiven :)

**Hunky** : bye guys!

**Samurai** : Bye Hunk

**_Samurai_ ** _to_ **_Sharpshooter_ **

**Samurai** : We need to name our children.

**Sharpshooter** : since I named Kosmo you can name these little ones

**Samurai** : send another pic?

**Sharpshooter** : (a picture of the two kittens napping)

**Samurai** : how about…

**Samurai** : red and blue??

**Sharpshooter** : you are not naming our kids after COLORS keith

**Samurai** : THEYRE GOOD NAMES LANCE

**Sharpshooter** : I can think of better names than that

**Samurai** : okay then do it

**Sharpshooter** : uhhh

**Sharpshooter** : kinda putting me on the spot here keithy

**Samurai** : mhm

**Sharpshooter** : okayokayokay

**Sharpshooter** : razzle and dazzle??

**Samurai** : no

**Sharpshooter** : ITS BETTER THAN COLORS KEITH

**Samurai** : NO THEY ARENT

**Samurai** : At least I chose names that included BOTH of us

**Sharpshooter** : how

**Samurai** : Red is my favorite color and blue is yours

**Samurai** : so the tabby one would be red and the grey one would be blue

**Sharpshooter** : ...okay that’s really sweet

**Sharpshooter** : how about we compromise?

**Samurai** : I’m not calling our children red-zle and blue-zle or some shit like that

**Sharpshooter** : what?? No those are awful names

**Samurai** : oh good

**Samurai** : What did you have in mind then?

**Sharpshooter** : I was thinking like Red Dazzle Kogane-McClain and Blue Razzle Kogane-McClain

**Samurai** : Okay that’s not as awful as before

**Sharpshooter** : AND THEN

**Sharpshooter** : every time we bring them into a room we can say “it’s razzle dazzle time!”

**Samurai** : That’s more of a you thing to say but ill bring the kittens in for the dramatic effect

**Sharpshooter** : seeeeee

**Sharpshooter** : if i can convince you to name our children that then no wonder Krolia loved me 

**Samurai** : speaking of Krolia

**Samurai** : I still can’t believe you taught Krolia how to use her phone in less than an hour when I could barely get her to figure out Facetime.

**Sharpshooter** : idk ig im just special :)

**Samurai** : You are

**Sharpshooter** : asjdkfsjlf KEITHY

**Samurai** : I think that someone would have to be very special to be allowed to be in a tiktok with krolia

**Sharpshooter** : oh you saw that haha

**Samurai** : Yeah

**Samurai** : It’s kinda cute i guess

**Samurai** : Just promise that you won’t do WAP with her and we’re good

**Sharpshooter** : oh nonono Krolia is too pure for WAP

**Samurai** : I feel like she’s killed people before so idk if you can call her pure lance

**Samurai** : also

**Samurai** : You won’t start liking her more than me right?

**Sharpshooter** : i could never

**Sharpshooter** : You’re my favorite person Keith :)

**Samurai** : ...did you just

**Samurai** : steal a line from Be More Chill??

**Sharpshooter** : YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO UDNERSTAND THAT REFERENCE

**Samurai** : Wait

**Samurai** : how many romantic theatre lines have you stolen to say to me?

**Sharpshooter** : well I won’t do that anymore so you don’t need to know 

**Sharpshooter** : I never expected your theatre knowledge to actually grow soooo

**Samurai** : LANCE

**Samurai** : at least everything IVE told you is original ;(

**Sharpshooter** : I’ll be original from now on I promise :(

**Samurai** : I’m going to google everything you tell me from now on

**Sharpshooter** : what if it’s something you don’t want on your search history ;)))

**Samurai** : LANCE MCCLAIN

**Samurai** : That isn’t going to work on me.

**Sharpshooter** : hey at least it got a reaction 

**Samurai** : SHISITO SAW IT DANG IT

**Sharpshooter** : hahahhah shisito

**Samurai** : He just went to get Adam so they can give me another sex talk…

**Samurai** : Thanks Lance

**Sharpshooter** : oof sorry

**Sharpshooter** : Have fun?

**Samurai** : No.

**Sharpshooter** : I love you Keithy I’m sorry :( 

**Samurai** : I love you too

**Samurai** : Lancey <3

**Sharpshooter** : ASKDFSLDKFJ <3<3<3

**_The Blades_ **

**Momma Mullet** : The meeting went well.

**Momma Mullet** : Lance is my new “bestie”.

**Regris** : wtf

**Momma Mullet** : Also follow me on TikTok.

**Momma Mullet** : Lance told me I’d get visitation rights to his and Keith’s new children if I surpassed Takashi’s Bakudeku account in followers.

  
 **Regris** : WTF

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any requests for future fics like this one, please leave them in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Please leave suggestions on what I should write next in the series in the comments!


End file.
